Then there was you
by Courtiepop68
Summary: Hawke thought she had everything figured out, until she met a certain Broody elf. Emotions run high as she is unable to keep her herself in check. Meanwhile, Anders very openly disapproves of their relationship.
1. Hawke meets Fenris

When Elsa Hawke first met Fenris she was covered head to toe in blood. She was panting heavily as she stood before him, holding her defensive position ready to strike. Her small band of misfits stared at the elf before them intently, not knowing if he was a friend or foe. Yet Hawke was staring at him for all the wrong reasons.

His eyes were an intense piercing green and she could feel her face grown warm under their gaze. Thankfully the blood covering her cheeks hid that embarrassing detail. As he apologized to the group about bringing them into harms way, she straightened her back and relaxed her posture feeling he was no threat to them. Sheathing both of her daggers she asked him about his curious markings. He explained they were not given to him by choice, either way she thought they were beautiful. As their conversation continued she felt more and more compelled to know more about him.

"Well if they were really trying to capture you, then I am happy that I helped." She smiled at him brightly.

Fenris seemed a bit taken back by her kindness. Hawke could hear Anders behind her gagging at her corny remark. Which was responded by Varric throwing and elbow into Anders side.

"Oh, what was that for?" Anders muttered under his breath.

Hawke shot the two an annoyed look and continued her conversation with the elf. After Fenris has asked for her help further with dealing with his former master, how could she say no to him?

"If it will give me the chance to rid the world of more slavers, I'll gladly oblige." she took a small bow.

Fenris's hard face softened for a moment. He told Hawke where to meet him in High town later, and he disappeared from sight. Hawke wiped her face off with her sleeve and turned to look at her sister. She grinned when she saw her frantically trying to pull pieces of flesh out of her hair. "Let me help you Beth."

Anders stood there watching Hawke carefully. He had never seen Hawke taken back by anyone before. Even when Justice almost ripped her in two for barging in his clinic for the first time. She never even flinched, not even once...but this...this was different. She was giddy as school girl as she walked with Bethany making wild hand movements as she talked.

"We aren't really going to traipse around Kirkwall, in the dark I might add, after a man who just little ripped out another man's heart are we?" Anders protested.

Hawke's tense shoulders fell and she turned her attention back to him. Her big brown eyes met his and he could tell there was no being talked out of this one.

"What, are you afraid of the dark now Blondie?" Varric chuckled, making Bethany and Hawke both giggle in unison.

"The dark? No. An elf who can rip out internal organs...well it's more of a obvious answer Varric." Anders sighed. Hawke smiled while rolling her eyes, turning her attention to the line of corpses Fenris had left behind.

"It's intense what he can do...but he needs our help." Bethany said sounding as if it was a painfully obvious choice. Anders furrowed his eyebrows together crossing his arms. Hawke smiled at him, he looked as if he was a small boy pouting about not getting his way.

"Common Anders," Hawke was in front of him grabbing his left arm pulling him along, "Beth is right you know, we can't turn our attention away from someone in need. Ex-slave or not he is still a living breathing soul. Mages aren't the only ones who need our help." she noted looking at him with pleading eyes.

"Yes and I'm sure those big green eyes had nothing to do with it right Hawke?" Varric chuckled.

Hawke released Ander's arm immediately. He looked towards her face and caught, what he thought was, a small blush rush across her cheeks. However mixed in with the sweat and smeared blood it was hard to tell. Hawke turned her back to Anders running a hand through some wisps of hair that had come out of her braid. "Let's get going" she took off jogging after the elf, Bethany not far behind her.

"Well looks like Hawke has made up her mind Blondie." Varric patted Anders arm.

"Yes, well we better not let her down then." Anders frowned watching her and Bethany disappear around the corner.

When they reached High town they met Fenris almost instantaneously. As Hawke greeted Fenris he explained about his former Master hiding out in a near by mansion.

"Sounds like a trap if I've ever heard of one." Varric mused staring towards the mansion.

"Nothing we can't handle" Hawke smiled as Varric nodded in agreement.

When they entered the mansion a swarm of Shades, with the occasional rage demon, attacked them. Waves after waves of them poured out of every door. Hawke had never seen so many in her life. Her father had always taught her and Bethany about them, but nothing could ever prepare her for how monstrous they were in real life.

Bethany let a rain of fire wash down onto them. Hawke and Fenris were side by side hacking and slashing away at the demons with ease. Hawke couldn't help herself but admire the pure strength and agility that Fenris had fought with. She could easily see why he had managed to sustain his freedom for so long. He handled his great sword as if it was as light as her daggers, leaving no room for error. His eyes were so intense and focused, she could feel herself getting lost again. She let her guard down for a brief moment.

Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted by a lighting bolt whizzing past her head into the face of a shade. "Thanks Anders" Hawke said over her shoulder while grabbing her daggers more readily and began hacking away again.

"Be more careful, Elsa" Anders scoffed throwing a few more spells at the shades around her.

"Right.." she shook her head. Why in Andraste's flaming knickers had she gone all goo-goo eyed over him now of all places?

When all their enemies were slain, Fenris kicked in the door to the main room and was surprised that it revealed nothing. "I have to leave" Fenris spat pushing past Hawke, rage and hatred pouring from his tone of voice. The group gave one another a confused looked. Hawke and Bethany were the first ones to chase after him.

As Varric and Anders reached outside, they could hear the Hawke sisters and Fenris arguing from behind the door. It was music to Anders ears.

"You can speak to me directly, you know" Bethany said annoyance creeping across her face as she stared Fenris down.

"My sister helped you Fenris." Hawke raised her voice angrily stepping between the two. Fenris looked past Hawke to Bethany and a scowl returned to his face as he pointed towards Bethany.

"I saw you casting spells in there, I should have realized what you were sooner," Fenris turned his attention to Hawke, "You will see you have a Viper in your midst."

"No one's keeping you from moving on, you know" Bethany chimed tightening her grip on her staff in response.

Fenris tried walking past Hawke to Bethany, his marking glowing a faint blue. But Hawke's whole body reacted faster than anyone could blink. She grabbed Fenris's arm and pulled him back in front of her. "My sister is an innocent, she wanted to help you, as did I." Hawke's voice was deadly as she released Fenris's arm and crossed her arms in front of her. "I don't see too many people, let alone _mages_, willing to run head first into a horde of demons to help _you_ reclaim your freedom."

Fenris's eyes fell to the ground at Hawke's feet at the mention of this. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful," Fenris paused then looked back into Hawke's face, "I actually owe you a debt of gratitude and intend to repay it. I would like to join you for a time" He seemed genuine as he spoke.

Hawke's shoulders fell and she unfolded her arms, "Will you have problems with my companions?"

"Though I have my own opinions, I will trust your judgement. I can not offer more than that." Fenris looked past Hawke toward Bethany. Bethany nodded towards him and sheathed her staff on her back.

Both the Hawke sisters were forgiving, and after going through what they had during the past few years they had little room to keep people on their bad side. Less enemies in Kirkwall meant less people trying to cut your throat in the middle of the night.

"I have an expedition coming up that I could use some help with, I may call on you when that time comes. Besides, that it would be a waist of a handsome elf to let you rot in that mansion alone." Hawke said stretching out her back and yawning loudly.

Anders couldn't believe his ears, was she really attracted to this...mage hating elf?

Fenris studied her lazy demeanor and could feel a small grin grace his lips. Never had he paid much attention to flattery, but coming from her it was tolerable. Anders wrinkled his nose at the look he was giving her and shifted his feet uncomfortably.

"Well, after all that, I could use a drink. What do ya say Hawke?" Varric smiled trying to change the subject.

Hawke looked behind her to her dwarf companion and nodded back at him, "Only if you pay first round..."

"I say two." Bethany smiled. "I need three or four." Anders said miserably scratching the stubble on his face.

"You all drive a hard bargain. I guess a few games of Diamondback and I could get my money back from the lot of you." Varric laughed, "Is Broody going to be joining us as well?"

Hawke's smile spread from ear to ear at the nickname bestowed upon her new companion. Fenris raised his brow as the others stared at him expectantly. Anders prayed to the maker, hoping he'd say no.

"I do not Brood." was all he said.

"Sure you don't elf." Varric waved walking away from the group.

"You should join us," Bethany said as she took her place besides Hawke smiling at Fenris brightly. Anders moaned in annoyance leaving the girls, before he started gagging again.

"Not tonight." Fenris looked up at the empty mansion. Getting close to people was not something Fenris was used to, and really was not something he intended to do either. "I probably should wait here in case my former master should return. I will remain here, in case you need to find me again." He shrugged turning his attentions back to the two girls.

"Well if you change your mind we will be at the Hanged Man in Low town." Bethany cooed, walking past the two trying to catch up the Anders and Varric.

Hawke was finally able to relax around Fenris now that she wasn't being watched by anyone. Varric had a way of amping up certain situations to make them out to be more than they were. She was also quite pleased no one would see her crushing hard over the new guy anyways. She rubbed the back of her shoulder rotating her arm in a circle trying to work out it's stiffness. "You really should come." Hawke turned away from him as she could feel her heart speed up. What was this strange sense of emotion coming from?

She then met his gaze. "It'd be better than being alone here anyways." Hawke gestured to the mansion. "Either way, you're one of us now." Hawke beamed towards Fenris.

He could fill the tips of his ears blush as she smiled at him.

She turned on her heel and walked slowly after the others. Never had a man, well elf in his case, caught her this off guard. She wanted to leave before her face tried to fall into anymore blushing spells. Because Elsa Hawke did not blush, no, not even for a handsome elf placed before her.

Fenris watched her as she slowly sauntered away. Never would he had expected her to hate and forgive him all in the same moment. He had never experienced anyone quite like her before and as curious as he felt about her, he knew that getting involved with anyone meant pain. Frankly he had known enough of that to last a lifetime. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling of regret for not following after her.

The mage know as Anders waited for her at the corner. She called to him and waved and he smiled back at her. "Hawke," Fenris called to her.

She turned around and was walking backwards so she could face him. She was almost to Anders by then and from what Fenris could tell Anders was scowling at him. "I'd like to join you soon...for a pint, if you'd permit it." Fenris called out to her. He could see her white pearly teeth all the way from where he stood.

"I'd like that, sweet dreams Fen!" she waved and turned back around, running forwards happily to Anders. She linked arms with him and they continued on their way.

Fenris smiled watching her turn the corner. Even if she was with the mage. He peered up at the mansion and sighed to himself really regretting letting them go without him. He shook his head and ran a hand through his white mop of hair. What was he thinking? Being alone was where it was safe, and it is what kept him alive up until this point. He could up and leave at a moments noticed without having to hurt anyone else along the way, or drag them into the mess he called his life. So why did he feel the need to put himself out there now? What was it about that woman that made him want to break all of his rules he so carefully stuck to up until this point?

He would stick around long enough until his debt was paid, that was for sure. He opened the mansion door and returned to the main room. Lighting a fire, he continued paced back and forth as his thoughts wandered back to Elsa Hawke.

"Venhedis" He exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air, sinking down into a near by arm chair. He stared into the fire intently as the image of her smile burned its way into his mind and he slowly drifted into sleep.


	2. Fenris receives a letter

**Hello everyone, I wanted to apologize for my errors in writing. I tend to just type away and publish without proof reading (which is a big mistake when you have a two year old at home demanding your attention) either way be patient with me. I'll try to be more on top of it in the upcoming chapters. Feel free to leave any feedback. -C **

Fenris awoke to several knocks at the front door. He sat up in the arm chair, throwing his head back into the backrest falling back asleep. More knocks came. Who the hell could be at the door this early in the morning? He opened his eyes briefly, wiping a bit of drool off of his face. He ignored whoever it was and started to relax slowly falling back asleep. A heavier pounding sounded on the door and didn't stop this time. He jolted wide awake stomping angrily to the door. He threw it open with a loud bang to reveal a small boy standing there. Dirt covered most of his body, he was peering up a Fenris through his greasy hair.

"Letter for you Messere." He held out a small envelope in front of him.

Fenris stared down at the letter and back up to the boys face, "From whom?" He swiped it out of his hands.

"Serah Hawke," He held out his hand expectantly. Not moving from the spot he stood.

Fenris dug in his coin purse and pressed a silver into his palm. He shut the door and continued to scowl at the small elegant writing on the front on the envelope. He opened the letter carefully and pulled a small piece of parchment out. Each stroke of her penmanship was perfectly placed, even if the symbols were foreign to his eyes. He tried making out any of the words to indicate what it was about, but it was a futile attempt. A disgusted feeling washed over him as he thought of Danarius laughing at his meager attempts.

In frustration he crumpled the letter and threw it away from himself. His hatred for the man continued to plague his mind no matter how far he traveled. Danarius is the reason for all of his struggles in life: no past, no family, even the simple task of not being able to read...it all stemmed back from him. He had no hope for a future, and Fenris could feel his plan of running away was at a dead end now. The only thing he could do was wait and when the moment came he would kill Danarius. Until that moment he would never truly be free.

He stood up and reclaimed the paper ball, pulling it apart to try and make it flat again. Maybe he would visit Hawke later to see what it was about.

* * *

It was late evening when he strolled into Low town. He managed to find the Hanged Man and when he inquired about where Hawke lived he was surprised to find it was not far. He chose to ignore the blood specks on the stairs as he climbed up them. When he reached the top there was an older woman kneeling down scrubbing the bloodied stone with an old brush. She threw the brush in the bucket and stood up, wiping a bit of sweat off of her brow.

"Hello" she said kindly nodding toward Fenris.

"Um- hello..." He was taken back by how warm this woman was towards him. "Does Hawke live here?"

"Of course you would be here for her, no one else gets any visitors." She gave a nervous glance to the door and sighed. "She's inside, but you'll have to excuse the mess. I think she might have pushed herself a little too hard today." She picked up the bucket and went down the stairs.

Fenris nodded towards her and opened the door. A marbari growled at him as he entered and a room full of eyes were set on him.

"Caboose, stop it!" Hawke yelled. When Fenris saw her he didn't know what to think.

Hawke was sitting backwards on a chair, her shirt was cut open in the back revealing what looked like a claw sticking out of it. Isabela was behind her working relentlessly with a needle and thread sowing up one of the three gaping wounds in Hawke's back. Merrill was in front of Hawke holding her hand with a damp wash cloth in the other trying to mop up the sweat that was pouring off of her forehead.

"Hey Fenris," Hawke looked exhausted. She winced and letting out a low growl as Isabela stuck the needle into her skin again. Hawke dropped her head, the knuckles on her hand going white from where she squeezed Merrill's hand. Caboose walked over to Hawke and whined gently laying his head in her lap.

"Try to relax, kitten. We just need to close this up before you lose anymore blood."

Fenris walked over to her back and cringed at the sight, "What happened?"

"Sodding...d-dragons" Hawke cringed as the needle went through again.

Anders busted through the door pushing past Fenris with Bethany following quickly behind him. He had a large red spot on his for head from where he had just been napping.

"Impeccable timing" Isabela removed the needle from the thread and began tying it together so it would hold.

Anders began to look Hawke over touching her back in various places to see how much damage was really done. Fenris could see the worry was thick in his eyes.

"So.." Hawke winced at his prodding, "what's the verdict?"

"You'll live...but it doesn't mean to make this a habit. There's only so many times I can save the day."

"I didn't ask for the Dragon to swoop down on me you know." Hawke hissed. Anders wrapped his hands around the claw in her back and yanked it out in one swift motion.

"Damn it Anders! Couldn't you at least give me a warning?!"

A small smile played on his lips, but his face soon hardened again as his hands glowed blue. The wound slowly closed up. Hawke scrunched her face up in pain.

"These cuts are deeper..." he studied them shaking the blood off of his hands, "Which means, I wont be able to completely mend the cuts. You're very lucky too, it barely nicked your spine."

"You could see, the bone...I thought it would help to stitch it" Isabela said folding her arms behind her back and leaned against the wall. Bethany pulled up a chair in front of Hawke and took over Merrill's job. Hawke smiled at her briefly.

"A good call indeed. This may hurt Hawke"

"Just fucking do it!" Hawke groaned. "I'm getting light headed from all of this blood."

Anders hands began glowing a deep blue again pressing down firmly. Hawke screamed clutching the chair, Bethany's hand, anything she could grab onto until her body relaxed. Her head fell in between her outstretched arms as she fell unconscious. Bethany stood up and turned away from everyone tears pouring out of her eyes.

Fenris reacted before anyone could blink. He grabbed Anders up by the neck slamming him into a nearby wall. "What did you do to her mage?"

"I didn't do-" Anders voice was cut off as Fenris tightened his grasp.

"Elf, you need to stop" Isabela placed a hand on his arm. "Hawke is fine. She passed out from shock is all. Look at her closely"

Fenris looked over to Hawke. Her face had softened and he could see her steady breathes as her chest fell up and down. Merrill and Bethany worked together to wrap bandages around her limp body. Fenris turned his attention back to the mage and looked him straight in the eye. "If anything happens to her, I will find you" he gave Anders's throat another tight squeeze before letting him go. Anders fell back onto his feet, grabbing at his throat.

"You think I would let anything happen to her? You seriously must be daft you know." Anders grumbled straightening his jacket. "We need to move her to the bed, she needs rest."

Bethany stood her up, but was struggling. Fenris pushed past Anders, picking Hawke up gently. Her form crumpled into his arms and in a way she looked helpless for the first time since he had met her. Fenris took her to her room and set her down gently on the bed.

Ignoring Fenris completely Anders checked her pulse and rolled Hawke on her stomach. She cooed softly under his touch as he felt for a fever. He smiled at her and moved a small strand of hair out of her face. He then stood straight as the older woman entered the room from earlier.

"She lost a lot of blood, but she will be fine." Anders looked at her bandaged form. "Make sure to change these once they've bled through and clean her cuts with this" He pulled a tiny salve out of his pocket giving it to the woman. She tried to hide the worry in her face but everyone could see it.

"She's fine mother" Bethany touched her shoulder lightly. "She just needs rest."

"Thank you everyone, I know Elsa can be reckless...we are grateful she has so many people looking after her."

Fenris studied her face as she spoke. So this was Hawke's mother. He could tell there was a small resemblance in their faces, and now he felt embarrassed about not introducing himself to her earlier.

"Well, I have to get back to the clinic...I wish I could stay-" he glanced at Hawke briefly, "I'll be by later to check on her." Leandra and Bethany both gave him a big hug. He turned to exit and gave Fenris an ugly look before shutting the door behind him.

"We'll be off too. We have some wounds of ours to nurse, and ale to drink. You want to join us..." Isabela asked pointing in his direction trying to recall his name.

"Fenris, and no. I'd like to stay here for a time." He watched Isabela carefully as she gave a disappointed look.

"Suit yourself then" She shrugged her shoulders and left with Merrill.

"Well, Fenris is it? Would you mind keeping an eye on her so we can clean up?"

He looked to Hawke's sleeping form snoring softly. "I don't mind."

Leandra smiled brightly patting Bethany on the shoulder. "Well common Bethany, let's get to cleaning up the mess your sister made. Gamlen will have kittens if he sees his house in this state."

"Oh mother.." Bethany moaned, " Can't we just leave it? After all-" the door closed behind them cutting her sentence off.

Fenris took a chair from the corner and set it next to Hawke's bed. He watched her for a few moments. Her skin was pale as snow. He could see a deep bruise setting in on her shoulder and examined the bandages that covered her upper body. He admired her, every inch. Fenris had never had the time to ever just appreciated something...nonetheless a beautiful woman such as Hawke. Even if she was bloody and mangled, she defiantly was her own character. It was very loud and outspoken, 'not taking anyone's shit' character...but it's what made her, Hawke. Yet now, she was so innocent and beautiful. He had never seen anyone that could match her beauty. He reached out to touch her cheek. She felt so warm against the pads of his fingers. He could feel a small rush of warmth crack throughout his body. What was this feeling?

"Hmmm.." Hawke moved her head away from his touch and he moved hand back to his side. She opened her eyes sleepily turning her face out of the pillow, "Fenris?" She whispered his name. He could feel his face soften at her tone. "You don't have too. Stay, I mean, I'm alright now." she yawned loudly. She was so quiet as she spoke he was almost afraid to respond to her.

"I...understand." He really didn't know why he agreed to staying with her. He would have never stuck his neck out for anyone before...maybe he was going soft? He stared at her and she stared back at him, her eyes heavy with sleep.

She smiled softly at him, "You have such intense eyes...I could get lost in them forever..." She closed her eyes again and Fenris tensed. He didn't know how to reply to that at all. His people skills were next to nonexistent, and his flirting skills were in a whole other galaxy far far away from here. He relaxed again when he heard her begin to snore. He relaxed back into the chair again and crossed his arms in front of him. This woman was someone he had never encountered before. Of course he had passes thrown his way, but he never had an interest in pursuing anything before now...but she seemed to change his mind about a lot of things.

* * *

Bethany came into the room hours later to change Hawke's bandages. When the door closed behind her Fenris woke with a start.

"Sorry about that," she grimaced. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It is fine." he rubbed his hands over his face trying to wake himself up. "I should probably go."

"Oh, alright. Wait, could you help me change her bandages first?"

He tensed for a moment. That would mean he would have to see Hawke shirtless... and curse him for thinking this way, but he had no memory of ever seeing any female shirtless before.

"You wont be ogling her breasts, just hold her up while I change them out. Nothing complicated about that at all." It was as if she read his mind.

"Alright."

Fenris held her underneath her armpits propping her up as Bethany tried to work fast. Fenris kept his eyes on the fireplace a small blush coming to the tips of his ears. If he ever wanted to be close to a woman before, this was defiantly not the way he pictured himself doing it.

Right then Anders walked in looking down at a stack of papers he carried along with a few potion bottles balancing in his other hand. "Sorry I'm so late Bethany, I had to...to.." he trailed off dropping everything in his hands to the floor. Hawke's assets were covered by then, but just the thought of that mage hating elf trying to sneak a peek, even touching her as he did now angered him to his very core.

"You!" was all he said rushing over to Fenris and shoved him away from Hawke.

Bethany managed to wrap her arms around Hawke in time before she fell

"Don't you dare touch me mage!" Fenris snarled his markings burning a soft blue.

"Don't tell me what to do you pigheaded fool." Anders matched his tone.

"He was trying to help me...which I also need help now as well!" Bethany chimed in trying to wobble Hawke back over towards the bed.

"Help? He was trying to help you? A mage? Well I find that hard to believe now." Anders crossed his arms and gave Fenris a disgusted look.

"I was trying to help Hawke, now get out of my way." He tried to go over to Bethany to help her, but Anders stepped in front of him to block him off.

"You're not going anywhere, but out of here." Anders said firmly as sparks of lightning dance over his hands.

They kept arguing until it became a shouting match, then the shouting became a shoving match. Bethany had managed to make it to the bed in time and flipped Hawke onto it...only she flipped her onto her back instead of her stomach. At which Hawke's eyes flew open in response. "Maker!" she yelled jumping up from the bed. "Fuck, fuck it all! I hope all the dragons burn into the bloody void!" Her yelling made Fenris and Anders calm down and they both stared at her. Her bandages had come slightly undone at the top exposing the upped parts of her breasts.

"Uh...Elsa..." Bethany pointed to Hawke's chest. Hawke looked down and up to the two men who were standing off to the side of the room. They both were blushing, trying to act as if they didn't see anything.

"Oh common!" She yelled grabbing some clothes that were laying on the end of her bed and flung the door of her room open. She stomped past Gamlen and retreated into the wash room.

"Hawke, let me help you with your bandages!" Bethany called from the door.

"You tried helping if I may remind you, in front of Fenris..."

"Anders was there too"

"Don't remind me!" She yelled angrily throwing her boots on.

Bethany eventually ended up threatening to burn down the door down. At that point Hawke let her in. She changed Hawke's bandages and was quiet for a long time. When she was done Hawke out right ignored her and continued to tame her tangled hair.

"See if I ever help you again.." she muttered slamming the door behind her as she left.

"I never asked for your help!"

Hawke shrugged her clothes on as quickly as one could with her back being sore as it was. She found that she was the only one left at Gamlen's house besides Caboose. She felt a tinge of regret, but shook it off.

"Common boy, let's go." She left walking to the one place she could always go, no matter what time it was.

* * *

Hawke climbed the stairs of the Hanged man towards Varric's room. The door was opened so she let herself in. Varric was sitting at the head of the table pining over books and old looking pieces of parchment. A plate of food sat before him untouched. He looked up and smiled when he saw her, "Hawke, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Hawke pulled out a chair next to him and threw herself down in it. She propped her feet up on the table and threw her arms behind her head. "I needed to get away from Gamlen's for a bit." She frowned. Caboose settled down by her feet and rested his head on his paws. "Anders and Fenris were arguing about Maker only knows what...and Bethany is cross with me as-well" Hawke sighed heavily when her stomach growled loudly.

Ever since Hawke and Bethany met Varric, they have been doing ever job they could find to get enough coin for the deep roads expedition. Every copper was put up in savings, as a promise for a better future. However that left providing for their own family more strained then it already was. They had a budget that was very strict, and Hawke made sure to keep to it. She went without meals several times during the week with the exception of drinks at the hanged man that were bought for her. But it didn't matter how hungry she was, as long as Mother and Bethany were taken care of. As long as they were doing fine, she could remain content.

"So I'm taking it your injuries aren't holding you back from anything? I vaguely remember Merrill talking about you needing bed rest for awhile" He scoffed at her expression, grabbing the plate of food and setting it in front of her, "Here, eat this before you wither away in front of me"

She sat the chair down and immediately started digging in.

"Well, how _did_ things at the mine go today?" He saw Hawke's eye slightly twitch as she looked down at her plate remaining quiet. "So it _was_ that bad, huh?"

She grabbed some bread off of the plate and bit off a huge piece. Helping Hubert seemed like a good idea at the time, but if she knew that she would have been knees deep in dragons guts and her own blood she would have seriously reconsidered. "I've had enough of dragons biting, fire breathing, and shitting to last me a life time. Not to mention one swooping down on top of me...do you know how fucking bad swooping is?!" Hawke yelled with her mouth full. "To top it all off, I don't think I'll even convince Merrill to come help me with anything again. She almost got crushed several times today herself...it was terrible"

"Daisy? I thought you were taking Broody out for a test drive?"

She threw what remained of the bread back onto the plate at the mention of his name. "I sent a message for him this morning..." she looked down as she felt...let down, perhaps? She shook the feeling off immediately, "He never showed, so Merill was the only other one free besides Isabela and Bethany" Hawke shrugged she took the plate and set it under the table for Caboose. He barked happily and went to town on it.

"A message...wait, a hand written note?"

Hawke gave him a look as if he was crazy, "Um, yes Varric, I didn't know there was any other way to do that sort of thing..."

"You do know he used to be a slave right?"

"Yeeeeah" She sat up in the chair and stared at him, confusion taking over her features.

"Well, I'm taking a guess here, but slaves don't have many rights...including learning how to read"

Hawke stared at his face for a moment deciphering what he had just said in her mind. She face palmed herself and sighed heavily, "Riiight...I didn't realize. Oh maker how stupid of me...I should go apologize tomorrow."

"Don't be too distraught. I'm sure if he knew, he would have been there." Varric watched Hawke out of the corner of his eye.

A small smile graced her lips at the thought of him being there for her. She had spent most of the day thinking about Fenris ignoring her request for his aide. Maybe she wasn't such a loser after all? She was never very good with all of this raw emotion crap. It seemed like her emotions were weighing down on her more and more lately. She thought back to what her father used to always tell her.

_-Remember Elsa, most people would turn us in if they found out about Bethany and myself. You have to keep yourself guarded at all times. They will punish you, Carver, and you're mother for knowing about us. It's important to take care of the family, no matter what the cost to ourselves._

Hawke always obeyed his wishes, no matter what she wanted. Keeping the family together was the most important to him, which made it as equally important to herself. All of her companions equally took a small piece of her walls down, as she began to know more about them. Who she was meant to be shined through a little more everyday...yet she was still guarded. She knew how to be friendly without getting close, how to lie like she was telling the truth, and how to hide her emotions like the most precious treasure through out all of the free marches. So why were things changing now that Fenris had suddenly bomb shelled into her life?

"He did come by today.." she said thinking of the moment when she opened her eyes on the bed and saw him sitting there. Her heart swelled and felt like it was about to burst. "I was a bloody spaced out mess though." she scoffed careful not to press her back into the chair.

"From what Riviani told me, I believe it." Varric chuckled. "And what this bit about Blondie being jealous?"

"Jealous? Anders?" she exclaimed. Varric gave her a look which said it all. "You must be crazy to think Anders would be jealous of anyone...over me." she leaned her elbows onto the table top and thought about it for a moment. All of these emotions was giving her a headache. Anders was jealous? What the hell was going on? Or maybe Anders had finally lost it. Maybe _she_ was losing it.

There was only one thing she could think of doing at a time like this.

"Common Varric," she said suddenly standing up from the table. "Let's go get drunk."

"That's the first sensible thing I've heard today" He laughed. "You sure you're suppose to be drinking though?"

"If you think being injured is going to stop me from drinking you under that table, then you are losing your mind Varric."


	3. Recovering

**So I'm assuming if you are here reading this, you must like something about my story so far...am I right? :D Hopefully things are turning towards everyone's liking. Please, please feel free to send me any comments or suggestions. - C  
**

Hawke ended up slumping into Gamlen's in the wee hours of the morning. She could hardly keep her eyes open. Whether it be from the booze or just being out right exhausted there was only one thing that was calling her name. She opened the door to her room and saw that Bethany was asleep in the bunk above her bed. She began to slip off one of her boots, being careful not to wake her. Caboose ran over and hopped onto the bed barking happily to Hawke.

"Caboose! Shut it!" she whispered, though it was anything but quiet.

"Mmm, Hawke?" Bethany lifted her head up looking at her, "Where are you going?"

She froze for a moment thinking about her next move. If she went to bed now, more than likely Bethany would tell their mother at what hour she slipped in. He mother would put together that she was out drinking all night instead of at home sleeping like she should had been. It wasn't really an argument she had the time or patience for right now. She groaned under her breath, shoving her boot back on again.

"I'm going out." she said while shoving her armor into a nearby potato sack.

"Really sister, you shouldn't-"

Hawke had let the door close behind her before she could say anymore. She walked to dark town, making her way towards Anders clinic. His lamp wasn't lit, which meant he wasn't taking any patients at this time. So either he was gone or asleep. She opened the clinic door quietly peering into the darkness, Anders sat at his desk asleep with a quill in his hand and papers scattered about. She closed the door softly behind her and walked over to his desk placing her things by a nearby cot. She grabbed one of the packs of papers examining it.

"Anders manifesto..." she read the title. Briefly thumbed through the rest of it, she rolled her eyes setting it back down onto the desk.

"No...blasted - Templars.." He was muttering in his sleep as if he read her mind.

She smiled at him, "I see your plight never ends Anders"

In the short amount of time he had become one of her favorite people in this world. Whether it was drinking obscene amounts of liquor or fighting side by side...he was a true friend. Hawke didn't really have many of those, but since coming to Kirkwall a lot has changed in her life. She grabbed a blanket that was near by and draped it over him.

Hawke yawned loudly as she made her way back over to the cot, slowly easing herself down onto it. Never had she thought a cot of all things could feel this good. Her aching body felt relief finally, all except the burning cuts on her back of course, but she was too drunk to give a crap either way.

She cuddled up into a little ball letting out a long and relived hum, and was out like a light.

* * *

Anders woke up to an empty clinic or so he thought. It was late afternoon from what he could tell. He made some coffee and was getting things ready for the day, when he heard a loud snore come from the cot by his desk. He went over to it expecting to find a patient who wandered in during the night. He tripped over the bag of armor, stubbing the hell out of his foot. "What in the Maker loving green earth was that?"

"Sorry Blondie" Hawke's voice came softly.

Anders looked towards her voice and could see her pearly whites even in the dark. "I see Varric's rubbing off on you" he picked up his mug and took a sip.

"Mmmm, maybe." she walked over from the bathing chamber in her tight fitting under armor clothing. Anders blushed at the sight of her. Her dark hair was long and beautiful and still dripping from her bath Her bangs clung to her face. She toweled her hair dry as she looked at him. Her cuts began to feel like they were on fire. She made a small noise out of discomfort, cringing slightly.

"Here let me take a look at that." He said while pouring Hawke some coffee. He handed her the mug and she took a sip giving him an annoyed look, setting the towel down on the table next to her.

"You didn't seen enough last night?"

Anders kept his mug to his face pretending he hadn't heard what she had said. He didn't even want to think about that night. Thinking of Fenris being there watching over her made his blood boil. It should have been him caring for her. "Just let me help you Hawke. I've seen plenty of women bare chested to last a lifetime, I'm sure yours are no different." He laughed as she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Alright, but I swear if I feel uncomfortable at any point you're dying a painfully slow death." She pointed at him giving a very stern look.

"I'll make a mental note." He laughed. He rummaged around his desk until he found some bandages and salve he closed the drawer and looked up at her. Hawke had her back to him and took off her shirt in one swift motion. Her back was slightly bloodied. The cuts ran from her left shoulder down to her right hip bone. There were 3 in total. He didn't know how she survived that honestly, but she was Hawke after all. If anyone could make it out of a nest of dragons and live to tell the tale it was defiantly her. She was too stubborn to die.

She sat down on the cot with her back still facing him, sipping on her coffee slowly. He went over to her and set the supplies on the cot. He placed his hands on her shoulders. He examined her wounds. The area from where the claw had once been lodged into her shoulder was a fresh burst of pink and was still raw to his touch, but overall healed. "They've improved by a lot compared to where it started from..." He trailed off as she leaned her face into his right hand that was resting on her shoulder. He looked at the contact between her cheek and his hand. He didn't know what to do.

He rubbed his thumb along her shoulder soothingly...or what he thought was soothingly. He stared at her freckled shoulders and returned his eyes back to the task at hand. This was the wrong time to be thinking anything other than helping Hawke now, to make sure she was fine. "Sorry about last night Hawke." he said trying to break the silence.

"Sorry? Sorry about what? Catching a glimpse of my goodies?" she asked looked at him over her shoulder.

"No..." he laughed smally. So she hadn't heard him and Fenris arguing, it might have been for the better that way. "I just felt the need to apologize."

"So...am I going to live?"

Anders chuckled. "Yes, I won't heal it anymore however, your body needs to heal itself. Otherwise it will begin to depend on magic to do the healing for you."

She nodded in reassurance.

"The stitches need to stay in for a few more days however..that middle gash is by far the biggest." He took some of the salve rubbing it on her wounds. In some places it had already began to scab over, which was defiantly a good sign. He asked her to lift her arms and he began to wrap her up with the bandages. He blushed deeply when his hands brushed up again her chest by accident, Hawke's shoulders stiffening slightly. He kept working and ignore the small tingling in his gut. When he was finished, she stood up replacing her shirt.

"I hope I'm not being rude, but I have somethings to take care of with Aveline today" She started putting on her armor, but was having problems buckling a few buckles on the sides.

"You can sleep off hangovers anytime you want too Hawke." Anders chuckled walking over to her to help her with the buckles.

"Thank you Anders, for everything." She turned to him and smiled sheepishly at him. She gave him a swift kiss on the cheek, drained her coffee, and left.

His cheek still felt warm from the touch of her lips, even long after she was gone.

* * *

Here Hawke was, not even a day later from her near death experience, fighting with a group of thieves to save guardsman Donnic. Not of her own accord, but Aveline's. In which Hawke would do just about anything for that woman.

Her back seared with pain, as she sliced and diced her way through the crowd. An archer launched an arrow at her. She knocked it away gracefully jumping into the air, managing to get behind the archer. She stabbed both daggers into his back and removed them quickly. She scanned the area for anymore opponents, but her companions had already taken care of them.

Aveline ran over to Donnic helping him up. She seemed flushed as she talked to him and so unlike herself as he called her a beautiful sight. Hawke returned her blades and walked over to Varric, crossing her arms in front of her. She leaned against the wall carefully. She felt light headed from the pain in her back, but chose to ignore it. "You think we should go over there?" she mused at the two guards.

"Don't be cruel Hawke, let them have their moment." Varric laughed placing Bianca on his back again.

"What moment is that?" Merrill asked innocently.

Hawke laughed standing up from the wall unable to look at the two any longer. Having a relationship with someone was far beyond Hawke's reach no matter how she looked at it. Seeing other people able to achieve that level of things made her feel weird inside. The word jealous came to mind, but she shook her head at the thought of it. Jealousy wasn't in her vocabulary anymore...she had her family and that was enough, it had to be.

"Daisy, do we have to explain the birds and bees to you now of all times?" Varric smiled to her.

"Explain them to me? I could just got to the forest and see those, it's nothing to need explaining Varric."

Hawke and Varric exchanged a quizzical look for a moment and began to bust out laughing.

"Oh Daisy, you shame me with your innocence." Varric wiped some small tears forming in his eyes.

Aveline and Donnic came over to them.

"Serah Hawke, thank you for you assistance. I don't even want to think of what would have happened to me if you hadn't arrived." Donnic said gratefully.

Aveline was beaming at him. Never had Hawke seen her this way since...well never actually.

"I'm at your service." Hawke took a bow. She noticed the satchel that started this whole mess and began digging into it.

"The captain said this to route was supported to be pretty quiet..." he huffed trying to catch his breath.

"The seal of the vicount? Office details...city accounts?" She question.

"Everything a guild of thieves could need to take over Kirkwall" Varric shook his head at the thought.

"A sacrificial delivery with one of our own? Captain Jeven will answer for this." Aveline's eyebrows knitted together in anger.

"Let's pay the Captain a visit then." Hawke smiled to Aveline.

"Its almost dark you two. How about you take Donnic home Aveline and we'll pick this up in the morning?" Varric questioned.

Aveline gave him a nod and turned to Hawke. "In the morning then?"

"You know I wouldn't miss the chance to watch you wipe away the filth from this town, not even for a hill of gold."

Aveline smiled at the thought, "I always can count on you Hawke."

They all said their goodbyes and Hawke and Varric walked in the same direction for awhile till they got to a fork in the road leading either to High town or the Hanged man. There had been something plaguing her mind...well more of a someone.

"I have to go take care of something Varric, I'll catch up with you later." She gave him a quick slap to the back making him smile.

"Going to see Broody, I take it?"

Hawke dropped her arms and began to say something, but decided against it. Her eye began to twitch out of annoyance.

"Common Hawke, it's written all over you face." He laughed, "and I was just guessing but your reaction gives everything away."

"I'll see you tomorrow" was all she said as she stalked away.

"Tell him I said hi...Oh! Oh! and don't forget to do that sway you do with your hips. That gets 'em every time."

Hawke stopped for a brief moment and continued walking while flipping Varric off over her shoulder. Which in turn made him bust out laughing. She rolled her eyes at how obnoxious he was being, a small smile playing on her lips. She was slightly surprised at how well he could read her now. The sun was beginning to drift down slowly as she walked to Fenris's mansion, she just hoped he was home to give him a proper apology for yesterday.

**This one was fairly short, I promise to make up for it next chapter! Speaking of next chapter It will happen in Fenris's point of view on what happened after Hawke stormed out of the bedroom after flashing most (but not all) of her lovely lady lumps. Just so no one gets confused. Anyways, thanks for reading :3**


	4. Hawke and Fenris argue

**This is starting in Fenris's point of view, after Hawke leaves the room embarrassed as all hell from her bandaged unraveling. Just fyi -C**

Fenris wasn't sure what to do next. The 3 companions stared at the door Hawke had just slammed shut in silence. Bethany turned and crossed her arms giving them both an angry look.

"Don't look at me that way. This is his fault." Anders glared at Fenris and started picking up his papers he had dropped earlier.

Fenris knitted his eyebrows together, "My fault? That's amusing. I was trying to help Hawke as you got in the way, mage." He spat that last word out like it was an insult.

"You helping?" Anders scoffed. "You barely even know Hawke."

"She sent me a letter, I came to her about it." Fenris crossed his arms and gave an annoyed look, "I fail to see how its any business of yours."

Bethany stared at the two men. It was obvious they were trying to compete for Hawke in some unknown way she couldn't comprehend. They began shouting again and she had had enough. "You both are wrong!" She exclaimed. Anders was pointing his finger to Fenris's chest as they both froze to look at her. No one had ever made Bethany mad enough to yell...no one.

"You should have stayed out of it and let him help me with Hawke." She pointed to Anders. "And you should have shut your mouth and been the bigger man, elf...whatever!" She threw her hands up in the air shaking her head. "This isn't a pissing match so bloody grow up already!"

Fenris felt embarrassed at his actions. She pushed them both to the front, "Since neither of you are helping you can both leave" She said sternly. Anders began to say something but stopped when he saw Bethany was glaring daggers at him. She opened the door and pointed outside for them to go. Both men shuffled through the door and cringed when it slammed shut behind them.

"This is you fault you know" Anders began walking down the stairs.

"And I'm sure no fault is yours then?" Fenris sneered walking after him.

"She doesn't need your help you know, she has enough people who care about her. Besides throwing in someone who loathes everything she stands for, isn't the best idea."

Fenris narrowed his eyes at this. "If she wished me gone, she would have said so."

"Keep telling yourself that." He paused looking up and the small house with an unreadable look, "she sacrifices everything for her sister and Mother...she doesn't need to be going out of her way for someone like you.. You paint your opinion over one bad experience in your life.."

"One?" Fenris scoffed, "You know nothing of what I have endured."

"You're right I don't. But I do know, you're no good for Hawke. You're nothing but closed minded and full of hatred and that's the last thing she needs." Anders gave Fenris a brief glance and turned to leave back to Darktown, not wanting to waist his breath on the elf any longer.

Fenris knew that last part to be true. His hatred for Danarius plagued his mind no matter how far he ran to get away. He stared at the front door of Hawke's home. The mage had said she sacrificed much for her family, hell why else would someone brave a nest of dragons for coin? He didn't know Hawke for long, but she seemed noble enough. Every encounter with her made him very curious to know more about her. A small smile played on his lips as he remembered the way his name sounded coming from her mouth. This mage loving, beautiful, foul mouthed woman would be the death of him one day.

* * *

Hawke reached her hand up to knock on the mansion door but hesitated. Normally visiting one of her companions wasn't as annoyingly difficult as it seemed to be now. "Common..." she muttered under her breath. She knotted both hands together and looked down when she felt the moisture on them. She brought her right hand up to her face and examined her palm. "For Maker's sake!" Her hands were sweating..._sweating_ of all things! She brushed her palms frantically on her armor trying to dry them off. It was the heat, it had to be. She had been in her armor for most of the day fighting with Aveline, so of course she would be hot and sweaty...right? She shook her head, turning to lean her back on the door cupping her hands to her face and made a very loud annoyed noise. The door opened suddenly, sending Hawke stumbling back into someone.

"Hawke?" Fenris grabbed her by the shoulders to steady her.

She had unclasped her hands from her face in pure horror. Of course he had heard her, it's not like she was trying to be quiet. She regained her balance and turned around to face him, only she was looking down fiddling with her belt. "Sorry, my belt buckle got annihilated in the last fight with some thieves...I was trying to fix it." She lied and finally looked up towards his face. She wasn't expecting him to be shirtless, not even in the slightest.

"Oh," was all she managed to say and she could feel the heat rise on the back of her neck and slowly creeping up towards her face. She pushed past him towards the main room where she could see a fire was lit. She didn't want him to she the fact that she was blushing...over him being shirtless...but then again Elsa Hawke didn't blush. So why did she feel like she was running away? He followed her to the main room and motioned for her to sit, which she did. The whole time she keep her eyes away from his bare chest, otherwise she would be tempted to stare at him without shame.

He mused at her awkward nature, "So, what do I owe this pleasure?"

He went over to a near by rut sack and began digging in it, until he found a white tunic. His back was faced toward her and she couldn't help but sneak a peek at him. His lyrium lines ran all the way up his back, outlining the curve of each rib from his spine outward. They were beautiful and haunting as they glowed faintly. Fenris shrugged the shirt on and turned back to her. Their eyes met briefly, but Hawke acted like she was suddenly interest in the painting that were behind Fenris.

"I came to apologize." She regained the courage to look at him again, as he sat across the way from her. "I'm mean, it's been a crazy few days for me...and you shouldn't have to babysit me and my injuries." She laughed shaking her head.

"I wanted too." Was all he said, making Hawke pick at her armor to avoid making,anymore eye contact. He wanted too? He wanted too...what? Babysit her? That didn't sound right.

"I told you, I would repay you for helping me. You seemed to need help at the time." He grinned smally as she looked at his face again. She nodded and smiled back at him.

"Yes, I seem to find trouble where ever I go. I also uh...well did you get my letter?"

Fenris tensed up at that moment.

"Varric told me you probably...well you may have not known how to read it. Given your um - previous life?" she almost questioned him. She didn't know whether it was a touchy subject for him or not.

"I...I cannot," he hung his head clinching his fist up. "Unfortunately, slaves are not permitted to read...it was the reason I came to visit the other day."

"I see..." she trailed off. So Varric was right, which made her feel like she was an even bigger nug than she was before. "I should have realized." she frowned slightly.

He waved his hand to dismiss her comment, "No it's quite alright, but if I may inquire to what it was about?"

"Oh, it was nothing really. Just wanted to get your help with things at the bone pit, I had seen you way you fought and-"

"The bone pit? Isn't that were you received your injuries?" He interrupted her.

She nodded. The color drain from his face as he looked at her. "So you were hurt, and I was suppose to assist you?" He shook his head, while standing up from the chair. He began to pace in front of the fire mutter a foreign language under his breath.

"Fenris, stop. It's alright, really!" she almost laughed. She never knew how to deal with someone who was upset. Yet something about seeing him upset over her made her smile internally.

He kept pacing as if he didn't hear her. She stood up and went over to him, and watched him with her head tilted to the side wondering what he was thinking of. She could never explain the feeling of how badly she wanted to be inside of his head, to know what he was feeling in that moment. She reached her hand out slowly and touched his arm as he paced away from her. He jerked his arm away from her violently. His eyes looked wild, but softened as he looked at her.

He was angry at himself for reacting the way he did. Touch was something dangerous for Fenris, he had always associated it with pain. His markings always flared and seared hot waves through his body when ever he came in contact with anyone. Another reason he never bothered to get close to anyone.

"Do they hurt? Your markings, I mean." She looked at the markings on his neck winding their way to his face.

He just looked at her through his bangs, and they both fell silent. There was only the sound of the fire crackling in the background. She could feel her heart speed up as she reached up again towards him. Trying to be careful not to touch him or his markings. He flinched slightly as she pushed his bangs away from his face and smiled at him when she saw those big green eyes staring at her cautiously.

"It's not your fault." she let her hands drop to her sides. "Besides no one can be blamed for it, except me. I was arrogant thinking I could take them on my own..." she paused for a moment and stared hard into the fire. "It runs in the family, I guess you could say."

Fenris saw a brief moment of sadness that washed over her features and he didn't understand why. She looked back towards him and looked embarrassed, "Anyways, I just wanted to apologize again. In the morning I have a few things to do tomorrow, if you want to tag along?" she scratched the back of her head awkwardly.

"I will be ready." he nodded to her.

"Right, I'll take my leave then. Just come by in the morning when you are ready. Beth will probably come along, if that's alright?"

"It's fine Hawke"

She smiled at his words, even for someone who hated mages at least he was trying to tolerate her sister.

"See ya, Fen" she turned to leave and his eyes followed her all the way out the door.

As she walked home she looked at her gauntlet hand and remembered the warmth of his skin underneath her touch. His markings felt like they were on fire...no wonder he always looked like he was in pain. She closed her hand and looked ahead. Her apology to him went as well as could be expected. Even if she was drooling half the time over him bare chest. She had been around plenty of guys and admired their bodies, but Fenris was different in many ways. She thought the markings lining his spine, the very things she thought were beautiful plagued him daily. He must have endured so much to get here to this point.

Her thoughts wandered to everything her own family had gone through as well these past few years...creating new lives, her father passing, escaping the blight, and...Carver. She couldn't even bring herself to think about _him_ anymore...and now it just seemed to depressing to even remember his face, and the way it was always scowling at her with envy. She wiped some stubborn tears away and pushed herself into Gamlen's house. She went into her room and stripped down into her leggings and tunic, and curled up in bed throwing the blanket over her body. Caboose jumped onto the bottom of the bed and curled around her feet nuzzling into her warmth.

* * *

It was early morning when Fenris knocked on Hawke's door. Leandra was the one to greet him, smiling when she saw him.

"Good Morning Fenris! Elsa said you'd stop by but I didn't realize it would be this early. You can have Gamlen's food, since he never bothered to return last night." She ushered him to the table eagerly, setting a plate of eggs, bacon, and fresh cheese biscuits in front of him. Bethany was there looking like she was still in her night clothes stuffing a biscuit into her mouth.

"Bethany would you be a dear and fetch your sister?"

"She's hogging the wash room again mother." Bethany sighed and shuffled over to the door of the wash room, banging loudly on it. "ELSA! I'M GOING TO SCALD THE PIPES IF YOU DO NOT GET OUT!"

"Shove off Beth!" Hawke's muffled voice came. All Fenris could here was a kicking on the door in response.

"Fenris, go ahead and eat" Leandra said smiling at him taking a seat at the table and placing a napkin in her lap. That was something Fenris had seen the nobles of Tevienter do many of times when they ate. Hawke's family didn't see the noble type however.

In the hall it sounded like the door had been flung open and someone, probably Bethany, fell on their face. There was a series of crashes and water being sloshed around.

"Don't you dare!" Hawke yelled half laughing.

"I think some cold water would do you some good sister."

"Okay, you blasted she devil."

Fenris could see Hawke stumble out of the washroom, a bright smile on her face. Her hair was damp and had ice crystals hanging on some pieces of it. She was only wearing her breast band and some over sized pants that were tied around her waist with a thin rope. Fenris noticed how thin she was without her armor. Her ribs protruding out ever so slightly, it was most likely from not eating as well as she should. He felt guilty for eating their food immediately.

She noticed Fenris at the table and waved towards him, "Hey Fen!"

"Really Elsa, go put some clothes on!" Leandra scolded.

"Clothes?" she questioned and looked down at her appearance. Fenris could feel the tip of his ears beginning to blush as he tried hard to stare at his plate stuffing his mouth full.

The bedroom door shut loudly letting him know she was gone.

"That girl" Leandra muttered under her breath and rolled her eyes.

Fenris continued eating, having small talk with Leandra while waiting for Hawke to return. She entered the room again with a hair tie in her mouth, hopping on one leg while slipping into her other boot with the other foot. She had on the same leather armor as before. "Sorry bout that" She said while raking the ice crystals out of her hair putting the hair tie on her wrist. "Think of it as unintentional pay back." she half whispered to him and laughed at the expression on his face. By then Fenris had finished his food and was studying the way she moved. Everything she did seemed light and graceful...being a rogue required that he guessed. She began braiding her long hair placing the hair tie at the end, when she was finished. She walked over to the table and grabbed a few pieces of bacon stuffing them into her mouth.

"Elsa, why don't you sit down"

"Can't" She said with her mouth full. Pouring a glass of water for herself, and drained the glass. She looked toward Fenris. "You ready?"

He nodded towards her and she grabbed a belt with her daggers hanging from it, off of a near by chair. "Bethany! We're leaving"

"Elsa!" Bethany yelled back annoyed.

"Its not my fault you take forever!" she smiled as she put the belt around her waist buckling it into place.

An annoyed muffled yell followed by splashing water sounded from the bathroom, "I have to shave my legs still!"

Hawke rolled her eyes and sighed, "We'll be at the Keep with Aveline, meet us there" Hawke gave her mother a big kiss on the cheek.

"You're really not going to eat anymore darling?"

"I'm late already mother, I'll see you later" Hawke waved behind her, opening the door for Fenris. He followed her lead getting distracted by those swaying hips only a few times.

On the way, Hawke explained what had happened with Captain Jeven giving away Kirkwall secrets to anyone with a high enough price. They went to the barracks looking for Aveline, but he could hear a commotion coming from the Captain's quarters. There was some shouting followed by the Captain being lead out by two guards men. Hawke snickered at his promises for revenge. A red headed woman came sauntering out behind them looking quite pleased with herself.

"I see you decided to start the party without me" Hawke smiled. The two women gave each other a warm hug that only good friends would share.

"Well, you were late..." Aveline mused.

"You know I'm not a morning person" Hawke laughed while placing her hand on Fenris's shoulder being careful to only touch his armor. "Aveline, I'd like you to meet Fenris, he's the one hold up in the abandoned mansion."Aveline gave Hawke a strange look, she had never seen her is such a good mood in the morning before, and she wondered if he was the reason for it.

"Pleasure to meet you" Aveline crossed and arm over her chest and bowed slightly.

"Is she...?" Fenris began to whisper to Hawke, and trailed off when he saw her face. Hawke was giving her 'don't even go there look' which could even shut Varric's mouth from time to time.

"Guard Captain Aveline" guard Brennan came behind Aveline, and handed her some papers. "There are the rosters you asked for"

"Thank you" Aveline took the papers from her and thumbed through them briefly. Brennan left and Fenris noticed Hawke smile creep from ear to ear.

"Damn Jeven, this corruption runs deep, even I-"

"Wait, Aveline! You didn't tell me of you new position!" Hawke was giddy and almost childlike as she looked at her friend.

Aveline rolled her eyes, "It's only temporary."

"Oh...well, what ever you say Guard Captain" Hawke bowed deeply to her. A small blush crept over Aveline's features as she did so.

"Well, I'm sorry I missed all of the fun, but I have some other things to attend too. You want to tag along? I'm sure it's better than...paperwork" Hawke scrunched up her nose at the papers in Aveline's hand.

"As much as I'd like to reek havoc in the streets with you Hawke, I'll have to pass."

"Alright, suit yourself...Guard Captain" Hawke snuck her new title in while laughing at the face Aveline gave her. "Okay. I'm going, I'm going!"

They walked down the steps of the Keep in silence until Hawke finally spoke, "Aveline has been with me since the beginning. We fled Ferelden together when the blight came." she paused for a moment, seeming to be turning the events in her mind. "Her husband died from the taint, and we fought through the dark spawn..eventually making our way here to Kirkwall. We worked for a band of mercenaries to make our way into the city. It's nice to see how far she has come." She smiled to herself.

"You were a mercenary?" Fenris asked.

She shook her head. "Yes, and what a sodding hell that was, no questions asked, kill the target and move on like nothing ever happened."

"You don't like to kill?" Fenris questioned.

She cast a glance at him and shook her head no, "I know it's surprising, given the jobs I take on...but I only like to end a life if I have too. Life is a precious short thing..." She hung her head at that thought. Fenris couldn't read her face very well, but he could tell she had a certain memory in mind when she spoke of death.

"Not to mention you're blighted good at killing." Varric scoffed as he caught up with them, Bethany in tow.

Hawke grinned brightly, "What can I say? Father taught me well. I see you managed to get those hairy ogre legs shaved Beth."

Bethany's face flushed red and Fenris could swear he saw a faint fiery glow run across her fingers.

"Hawke, leave sunshine alone." Varric laughed, "I see you have Broody with you, that's good. We'll need him."

"What's wrong?" Hawke furrowed her eyebrows together in confusion.

Varric handed Hawke a piece of parchment, "This came for you at my place by accident, it sounded interesting, thought you'd like to check it out."

"I'm sure your book had nothing to do with this either?" She looked up from the parchment to look at Varric's reaction.

"You wound me Hawke, as much as I like to tell the stories, I also like knowing your head isn't hanging on a pike out in the Wounded coast somewhere."

"The sender doesn't state a name...Hmm, well lets check it out." She folded the letter up stuffing it into her coin purse.

* * *

The mystery man turned out to be a Templar named Thrask who was wanting Hawke's aid with coaxing a group of mages to surrender themselves without any blood shed. Fenris was quick to voice his opinion, and Hawke heard what he had said but chose to help anyway. She cut down any blood mage she found, and made a deal with the remaining mages to help them escape the Templars grasp. When they exited the cave more Templars had gathered ready to strike. Ser Kerras questioned Hawke's merit about taking care of the mages herself, and that is when Varric stepped in. Explaining who she was and how absurd it was to question her motives. He truly could charm anyone into believing anything. When the Templars left to find the 'leader who had escaped' the mage woman from earlier came out, relieved that Hawke was able to throw then off of their trail. She thanked Hawke and her companions and left with her small band of fellow mages.

"I see you truly are a mage lover" Fenris muttered under his breath which made Hawke tense up.

"Excuse me?" She turned around to face him. Her face was flushed out of anger.

"The rightful thing to do was turn them over to the Templars." he growled back at her. Varric and Bethany stood there awkwardly not really knowing what to do.

"And what good will that have done?" Hawke raised her voice.

"Those blood mages deserve what they had coming, if not now, they will find justice later." Fenris crossed his arms out of annoyance.

"They weren't all blood mages Fenris" she boomed.

"No, but it doesn't mean they won't become one some day."

Hawke made an annoyed noise in the back of her throat. "You are seriously blind! Not everything is black and white in the world. It's not that simple at all!"

"It _is _that simple. The outcome always turns out the same."

She ran a hand through the wisps of her hair and sighed, "When you talk about people, and yes I mean mages, that way...you talk about my sister and my father. You talk badly about _my_ family and you talk badly about me." She pushed past him angrily. "I refuse to let someone disrespect people I love." she stomped away, Bethany caught up with her and was trying to calm her down.

Fenris watched her leave clenching and unclenching his fist out of anger. He didn't understand what made her feel so strongly about helping them. By them, he meant the mages. All of them were a wolf in sheep's clothing just waiting to attack at the drop of a hat, why could she not see that? A woman as strong and beautiful as she, and yet still they managed to bewitch her mind.

"Oh Broody, stop you'll give yourself a hernia." Varric gave him a quick smack to the back, bringing Fenris back into the real world.

"I don't brood." he sneered angrily.

"Alright, alright, no need to bite my head off." Varric held his hands up not wanting to get into a fight with him. "But if you don't mind me saying, lay off on the mage thing around Hawke?" Varric's face went dead serious as he looked at Fenris.

He gave Varric a quizzical look, curious to know what he would say next.

"Hawke has been through it all. Templars hunting her family, moving all over the damned place, the deaths of her family members...fighting to survive the shit hole we know as Kirkwall. Now that her father passed, it's all fallen on her shoulders. Taking care of the family I mean, and by the Maker she loves Bethany more than I would ever think to care for my own brother. She would plow through the 7 hells if it meant keeping Sunshine safe." Varric looked at the elf.

Fenris was looking towards the path Hawke and traveled and was surprised to see she had stopped by a nearby tree up on the hill and was leaning against it. She glanced back to them and when she saw Fenris was looking at her, she turned her attention back to Bethany who was in front of her talking with an over exaggeration of her hands again.

"I understand." Fenris said smally.

"Good, now maybe it's a good idea if she didn't include you in any...mage related jobs anymore?"

Fenris nodded his head, replacing his great sword on his back.

"I'll talk to Hawke."

"Thank you." Fenris said awkwardly and shifted on his feet.

It was true he was rusty with his people skills, and maybe now was not the time to bring up his opinion about mages. He cursed himself internally for how selfish he had been. It was true he may have been a little to harsh on the matter. Yet, he had seen what mages were truly capable of...the power they wielded, and the wicked smiles plastered on their faces as they enjoyed tormenting their slaves. He would never forget things like that. Especially the way Danarius's face lit up as the lyrium brands were woven into his skin. Hawke had a passion for protecting them for some reason. Fenris found it hard to understand why...looking a Bethany he could sort of understand why, but not fully. He just could not view them like she did.

When Fenris and Varric caught up with the girls, Hawke didn't even bother to look at them. She just continued walking as if nothing had happened. Fenris stayed toward the back of the group. The three companions seemed like they were in a very heated conversation amongst one another anyways. When they reached Kirkwall it was late noon. The group began to dismember, and Hawke stood there awkwardly. She was wanting to talk to Fenris before he left. Fenris began stalking away.

"Fenris..wait!" She yelled towards him and ran up to meet him, "I'm not going to say I'm sorry...but it was rude of me to bring you into something that we have two totally different opinions on. I promise to not ask you to accompany me on these types of jobs next time...is that...ok?"

"It's fine Hawke." Fenris felt relief that she was still willing to include him.

She left it at that and began walking with her sister back to Lowtown.

**This will probably be the only update I can do for the upcoming week. I've got 3 tests coming up on Thursday and my brain is going to turn to mush studying for them. I hope you have enjoyed the story so far. I'm going to pick up again with some fun drunken times next chapter...with a heated moment between Hawke and Fenris, so I hope you all will look forward to that! ;) Anyways, feel free to leave any feed back!  
**


	5. The first kiss

**Totally procrastined with studying and was able to pump out another chapter. Enjoy!**

Hawke had kept her promise to avoid taking Fenris on jobs that involved mages, and when she did invite him they barely even had time to speak. Fenris had been injured, a slavers blade piercing through a weak spot in his armor. The next night Hawke made her way to his mansion, she had found some lyrium scales to repair his armor. She wanted to give them to him before they went out on their next job.

Hawke was surprised to find Isabela there with him. She left hurriedly when she saw Hawke, winking at her on her way out. Which made a small blush run over Hawke's features. Hawke offered to leave, but Fenris insisted she sit down with him. She offered him the scales and he thanked her warmly. He began rambling and talking about his former life. She mused as she heard his words slurred slightly indicating he had been drinking as much as he was throwing wine bottles at the walls. He told her how disgusting his marks were and she disagreed with him, making him smile. More to himself than anyone. Fenris took a few stabs at flirting with her and stood up trying to hid the disappointment in his face at her not responding well to him. It's not that she didn't like his flirting...she just had no clue on what to do or say. When Anders or Isabela flirted, she always had a witty reply...but with Fenris she went brain dead.

She stood up with him, "I'm really flattered Fenris" He looked to her face and saw that she was smiling towards him. Those hazel eyes staring at him with a look Fenris didn't understand.

"Well, I'll practice my flattery for your next visit then...hopefully I'll be better at it."

When she left out the door her idiotic smile was finally able to drop from her face.

Over the next few weeks they became closer. The more they began to know of each other, the more they were able to speak freely. She would invite him to breakfast with her family sometimes. He noticed she did this with her other companions as well. He had come to visit her one morning, as the pirate woman and the abomination were leaving. Anders gave Fenris an ugly look, as Isabela took a few stabs at guessing the color of his under clothes. Hawke called his name from the top of the stairs waving at him. Fenris held back a pleased look, for the abominations sake of course, and he lifted his hand in the air to acknowledge her. He had caught on to Anders smart remarks and glares enough to realize he was jealous of Hawke preferring Fenris over him. He was anything but discreet about it, yet Hawke either didn't care or didn't notice. That didn't stop Fenris from seeing her however, as long as she would allow he would remain.

A few months had passed, Hawke and Bethany were reaching closer to their goal to be part of the deep roads expedition. Varric had asked her who she wanted to take with her. She sighed at the thought of it. Aveline had her duties to Kirkwall to fulfill, Anders the clinic, and Bethany...well she was the first one to be crossed off her list. That was her job, keeping mother and Beth safe, the expedition would only conflict with that mindset. She frankly had enough thinking for one day and just needed to relax.

* * *

"I fold," Anders sighed throwing his cards down on the table.

"Oh common Anders, where's you sense of adventure?" Bethany scoffed waving her hands around frantically. Her cheeks burned a bright red from the liquor shots they had taken earlier.

"Adventure? It's more like the: 'where did all my coin in my purse go?' senses are tingling." Anders took another swig of his pint.

"Spoiled sport!" Isabela hummed underneath her breath.

Hawke made her way over to the group, and slammed both hands down on the table top. "Varric, I'm going to strangle you the next time I get stopped on my way to the little girls room by your over exaggerated stories." she pointed a finger at him accusingly while taking her seat beside Isabel.

"Which one was it this time?" Anders mused.

"Something about fighting off dragons at the mine bare chested while carrying...something or someone...maybe it was - no wait...you know what? It really doesn't matter." She shook her head shrugging her shoulders. "Just be happy I made it in time to relieve myself dwarf!"

"Dually noted Hawke." Varric said smiling towards her.

That was one thing Hawke could never run away from, the amount of fame and adoration she had been receiving lately. It wasn't the most ideal situation to Hawke. Her main focus in life was making sure Bethany and her Mother were safe...that seemed harder to do now that her name was being thrown out there more and more. Most everyone she had been helping knew about Bethany, one way or the other. Yet no one had turned them in to the Templars. It either was her dashing good looks, Bethany's charm, or sheer dumb luck they had been able to keep things relatively normal. It was a constant worry plaguing the back of her mind and she caught herself reaching for her daggers out of paranoia. Doing all of these odd jobs for coin was strain enough, but deep down Hawke ended up feeling pretty good about helping people in need. She blamed mostly Bethany for making her soft...she would like to believe that anyways.

"Wine for you Hawke" Norah's placed a bottle in front of her face.

Hawke blinked a couple of times in confusion at the bottle feeling like she was going crossed eyed. "Uh...as much as I regret to send back alcohol, I didn't order this."

"You might not have, but the lot in the corner over there pitched in for ya"

Hawke looked in the direction Norah was talking about. A group of miners from the bone pit all waved with cheesy grins plastered their faces. She smiled back at them. Maybe Bethany was right, helping people wasn't so bad. Hawke took the wine bottle pulling the cork out with the back of her teeth and lifted the bottle into the air. "To living another day" she toasted. The miners all yelled in unison as Hawke downed the wine straight from the bottle.

She could really get used to this feeling right now it was like she didn't have to run anymore...or to live a half life. Maybe her family could finally stop running? Just maybe. She could feel a small drip of wine run down her chin, but she didn't care. For one night she wanted to be in this moment enjoying life. She didn't have to be the person everyone expected out of her, she just had to be Elsa Hawke. As she set the bottle down on the table she could see her companions staring at her with amused expressions. "Let's get more shots!"

* * *

~Hours into drinking~

Hawke lifted her pint in the air staring Bethany in the eyes. Bethany held her pint with both hands, staring back at her while trying really hard not bust out laughing. They both had way too much to drink and probably would last throughout the entire week.

"You think you can take Hawke, sweet thing?" Isabela chuckled nudging Bethany's shoulder with her own. Bethany nodded in reassurance.

"She maybe be the eldest, but she's not the best at everything!" Bethany held her pint up, clinging the rim of hers with Hawke's, and they began to chug. Anders was sitting next to Bethany and had a small smile placed on his began wobbling backwards and he placed a protective arm behind her to prevent her from falling. Hawke was the first one to slam her empty pint down on the table top, grinning from ear to ear. Bethany gave a defeated look and rolled her pint over to her sister. Hawke picked it up and finished it off as well.

"Don't worry Sunshine," Varric chuckled staring at Hawke. "You're dear sister could drink just about anyone under the table."

Merrill and Aveline entered the pub and took a seat at the table. "I see you both didn't waste anytime, Hawke." Aveline rolled her eyes as Hawke was grabbing three more pints, from Norah's tray trying to look innocent and not so wobbly.

"You wound me, guard captain." Hawke laughed giving both pints to the girls. And keeping one for herself. "Besides, after having several near death experiences today," she pointed to the table giving a determined look, "we deserve this."

Merrill nodded is reassurance and the three clicked their mugs together taking long drinks.

Anders noticed Fenris had come into the Hanged Man immediately. Which made his stomach do back flips. He threw a glance over to Hawke, but she was to drunk to care about her surroundings at the moment. Fenris was looking at Hawke with longing, he began to walk over to join her, but he locked eyes with Anders first. Fenris gave him a knowing look and slumped over to the bar, out of his eye sight. Anders released a small breath he had been holding and relaxed. Hawke was sitting across from him her cards held closely to her face as she and Isabela were in a very loud conversation, but he tuned out all of the noise except her beautiful laugh. He had never seen Hawke smile as genuinely as she did now. He couldn't tell if that was the effects of all of the alcohol or not. Either way it was nice to see herself let go tonight. Suddenly two bards next to the fire place erupted into a song. Anders recognized it as an old happy tale from Ferelden.

"Elsa, this is the song father used to sing to us!" Bethany exclaimed happily. "Get up, get up, we need to dance."

Hawke laughed loudly, "You're not serious are you?"

Bethany ended up onto of the table and started to sing loudly. No one in the Hanged Man minded though, Bethany was the one person who could make the foulest dark spawn weep from her kind nature...not to mention the amount of men who were lost staring into her cleavage at the moment. The bards played more energetically and loudly. Bethany stuck a hand out for her sister to join her. Hawke rolled her eyes at Bethany. Bethany's cheeks were covered in a permanent red blush, and her bottom lip was pouting out to top it all off, "Oh sod it all" Hawke grabbed her sisters hand and was pulled up onto the table.

All eyes were on them, including some familiar green ones, but Hawke was too drunk to care about any of them. Yes, she admitted it...she was wasted. Isabela and Varric mused up at them, and Anders didn't mind the view of Hawke shaking her assets in front of him. "Get up here sir dwarf!" Hawke yelled over the mindless cheering and clapping. The music continued on and Hawke pulled Varric up on the table with her before he could even protest. She grabbed his arms and was turning him in circles. Varric was over whelmed at first, but then got into the rhythm fairly quickly.

"Story teller, trader, dashing good looks, chest hair for miles, _and_ a good dancer. Is there anything Varric Tethras cannot do?" She mused grabbing Bethany's arm to steady her as she almost went wobbling off of the table top.

"I have many tricks up my sleeve, Hawke." he winked at her.

Their feet were kicking cards and drinks off of the table, but the crowd cheered them on. All the attention was getting to Hawke as she saw just how many people had gathered to them. "I need another drink, watch Bethany for me," Hawke said to Anders as she gracefully stepped off of the table. Hawke pushed past the crowd, and headed towards the bar. Any further dancing would require way more alcohol in her system. As she drew closer she saw a bit of white hair and pointed ears. She could feel an earth shattering thump rip through her chest. All the blood rushed to her face at once...what the hell was happening to her?

Fenris had an amused smile played on his face as he stood with his back towards her. He was still in his armor from earlier in the day, but it was freshly polished and she could see the area where he sowed the lyrium scales onto it. His posture was relaxed and not as strained as it had seemed before. She looked over to the direction he was looking and saw her table. Merrill, Isabela, and Anders were up onto of it. Anders was looking very out of place, as he seemed to be scanning the crowd for someone. "Oh Maker," she whispered. Of course the one night she wanted to get piss ass drunk and forget all of her worries he would show up...and see her dance to top it all off. She felt like an embarrassing fool at that point. Not only did she make fool out of herself during the passing weeks, but tonight as well. She was really on a roll. She thought about leaving for a brief moment, but when did she ever run from anything? How did that even become an option...Elsa Hawke didn't run, not from anyone or anything. She blamed the booze for that moment of weakness. But...then again going home now did sound like a good idea.

She turned to retreat back to her companions, when Corff saw her, "Ah Messere Hawke!"

She stopped dead in her tracks as she so miserably failed to slink away. Her back tensed up. "Shit...shit shit shit shit." she whispered as Corff kept talking about all the business she always brought him and blah blah blah. She sighed heavily, putting on her best fake smile and turned back to the bar. Fenris's eyes fell on her immediately but she ignored him, acting as if she hadn't seen him yet.

"Thanks for the kind words, Corff. I'm always a crowd pleaser. The usual if you please."

"It's on the house messere!"she nodded toward him thankfully.

The music had stopped she looked passed Fenris to her table, still acting like she had not seen him yet. Everyone was back sitting down.

Fenris cleared his throat loudly and that's when she finally openly acknowledged his presence.

"Oh, Fenris! Fancy meeting you here!"

Fenris chuckled slightly, taking a drink from his pint. "I see you know how to have a good time Hawke."

"You saw that dancing bit did you?" she could feel her palms get sweaty. She internally slapped herself for her stupidity of making a terrible impression on him...again. "I usually never do that sort of thing" she muttered the blush returning to her face as she looked away from him.

"No worries, you are among friends..and from the smell of it very drunk."

"I smell?" her eyebrows furrowed together.

"Much like a brewery" he mused.

Hawke looked mortified. Oh great another thing to add to the list of embarrassing shit Fenris had witnessed tonight. Corff placed a pint of her favorite brew before her. She stared at it accordingly. What was she thinking? She never cared before what another man..elf..dwarf...really what anyone thought of her before him..so why is she deciding to give a crap now? Because he flirted with her one night? Because she knew he enough to trust him now?

"You know Fen, I'm here to get drunk." she announced smiling up at him. She grabbed her pint taking a long swig from it slamming it back down onto the bar. She grabbed his gauntlet hand and pulled him along. "And you're getting drunk too."

When Anders saw Hawke holding Fenris's hand walking towards the table, he started chocking on the drink of ale he had just taken. "Excuse me" he said through chokes getting up from the table and leaving them.

"Fenris is joining us!," Hawke pulled him up to the table which sloshed their frothy pints of alcohol every which way. She looked up at him her eyes sparkling with adoration.

Hawke took a seat as Isabela started to shuffle the cards again, and Fenris just stood there awkwardly not sure what to do.

"Common sit here, I think Hawke would like that," Bethany tried whispering, but it was painfully loud. He could see Hawkes hands grip her pint for dear life as she ignored the comment nursing her mug. Fenris took a seat next to her as Isabela shuffled him into the game.

"I'm not to keen on card games." Fenris stared at the cards blankly.

"Don't worry sweet thing, I'm sure Hawke will be more than gladly to help you." Isabel winked as Hawke shot her a dirty look.

Hawke explained him the rules of wicked grace and how to play. She talked about how Isabela would cheat, and Varric could call her bullshit every time. Which he did, like clockwork. Fenris stared at her listening to every slightly slurred word. She keep her eyes on everything, but him and he was starting to think she was doing it on purpose. But he didn't mind.

Anderson returned to the group and scowled when he saw Hawke and Fenris sitting together.

Hawke's face brightened, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, yes." He waved taking the seat in front of Hawke. His eyes narrowed in on Hawke's arm tangled with Fenris's arm, as she showed him how to hold his cards properly.

Fenris wasn't used to anyone being this close to him. Hawke's hands were wobbling and clumsy, but she seemed to know what she was doing. She was explaining what each card meant, but he was looking at her face deep into his own thoughts. She had small freckles that covered most of her face but mainly along her nose area. A detail that was easily missed if one wasn't paying close attention to her face. He could feel her arm touching his as she adjusted the cards in his hand. He flinched slightly at the ache his markings felt. She noticed his expression and quickly retreated her arm back to her side.

"Sorry...I shoul-" she looked down to the table taking another drink from her mug.

After the game was over everyone decided to call it quits for the night. Bethany had fallen asleep and was leaning on Varric's shoulder. "Beth, it's time to wake up." Hawke slurred shaking her sisters shoulder.

"Carver?" She rubbed her eyes. Hawke flinched slightly and stood up turning her back toward the group.

"Did she say-" Varric began to ask but was cut off by Aveline's quick thinking.

"Well as nice of a night it's been, I'm headed off." Aveline gave Hawke a sympathetic look, Hawke turned and mouthed thank you to her.

She hadn't told anyone about him, and she really didn't feel like explaining who he was to anyone either. The only one who knew about him was Aveline. The only reason she knew was because she was there when he had died. Anders offered to walk with Aveline, explaining his stomach was quit upset with the alcohol he consumed. Which sounded weird to Hawke, because he could almost out drink her, and she was only just beginning to not be able to feel her hands.

Isabela was the next to go. Varric offered his room to Hawke and Bethany for the night as he left to walk Merrill home. He knew their mother would be furious if they both came home totally wasted. She also would have no sympathy for their hangovers the next day, especially for Hawke who seemed to be getting drunk frequently.

At that point Fenris was buzzed, entering the world of drunkenness. He offered to help her with Bethany, which Hawke was grateful for. He carried the small mage girl up the stairs with ease and sunk her down into the bed. She cooed softly nuzzling up into the covers. "Thanks Carver." she muttered but only faintly so Hawke didn't hear. He wanted to know who 'Carver' was, but did not dare to ask given Hawke's reaction earlier. Hawke was staring at her sister lost in thought. Fenris felt like it was moment he shouldn't intrude on, so he began looking at the paintings on the walls and dusty old books on the shelves near the bed. Hawke pulled the covers on Bethany and sighed.

"She's never been the drinking type." Hawke laughed looking a Fenris. He turned his attention back to her. She tried walking forward but ended up tripping on her feet. Fenris reached out and grabbed her shoulders to keep her from falling. Which made Hawke laugh, "Apparently I've had to much myself." She looked at him and realized she had never been this close to him before. He smelled like copper and iron bark, it was a wonderful smell. She was blushing hard, and Fenris noticed immediately. He helped her get steady on her feet. Hawke was staring at his chest trying to get herself to come back to reality. She felt hot all over her body as he held her still. This was something she never expected to feel again in her whole entire life. The last time she gave into her feelings for someone, they had to pick up move the next day when she confessed who her family was...and her father was furious. But now her father wasn't here...she wanted so badly to be a normal woman for one night. She dared to look up into his eyes. Those green intense eyes of his drilled holes through her heart as he looked at her carefully. It wouldn't hurt to give into her pinning for one night. She reached up to brush his cheek with the pads of her fingers, being careful not to touch his markings.

He closed his eyes when he felt her touch, waiting for the pain to come, but it never did. He relaxed his grip on her shoulders and she place her palm on his cheek caressing his face with her thumb. She smiled at him when he opened his eyes again to look at her. She was so beautiful in this moment and Fenris couldn't help himself anymore to her torment. For weeks he had watched her and those swaying hips, which felt like years. He pulled her forward and kissed her. Her lips were soft under his and didn't respond to him at first. He coaxed them with a few more movements of his lips and she responded by wrapped her arms around his neck to deepened their kiss. She moved her mouth hungrily against his, pushing herself closer into him. Fenris ran his fingers through her hair, causing his gauntlet to get stuck in part of it making them break their lip contact. Fenris felt embarrassed as Hawke let out a girlish giggle. He tried wriggling his hand free but to no avail.

"Let me help you with that." she let her hair down and moved his hand away undoing the tangle. She took off his gauntlet on one hand and then the other. He stared at her and she could tell that he wanted her. Each move she made was teasing him in ways he couldn't have imagined. She threw his gauntlets to the floor and began to kiss him again. His free hands roamed the small of her back as she started to kiss and suck the markings on his neck. Instead of pain, he felt pleasure. A small noise escaped his throat and Hawke lifted her head to smile at him. "So you do like to be touched." She said in triumph. Fenris responded by claiming her mouth again. He pushed her back into the wall and could feel her lips smile against his, but never broke contact. She lifted her arms above his shoulder and pulled herself up to wrap her legs around his waist. Fenris gasped suddenly as her sex rubbed up against his erection.

"I see someone's ready for me." she whispered in his ear making him shutter. He smiled at her words. He did want her, he never remembered touching a woman this way before. He must have in his past life because the movements of everything felt normal to him. He began to kiss her neck mimicking her same movements as earlier, nipping down on her ever so slightly causing Hawke to moan. He liked the noise she made and wanted to get more out of her. He ran up to her ear and began to nibble on it testing out the waters, until he found a spot on it that made the grip around his waist tighten. She moaned at each nibble. Until she couldn't take it anymore, she kissed down his jaw and back to his mouth licking his bottom lip slightly. He opened his mouth in response and she tangled her tongue with his, exploring each others mouth. She began feeling a yearning for him in her lower abdomen. She wanted this more than she had wanted anything in a long time.

Hawke lifted her shirt over her head and cast it aside, exposing her breast band. A faint line of blush ran over Fenris's face as Hawke guided his hands down to her bust. He seemed not to know what to do at first, almost acting timid. Hawke smiled at him as they locked eyes, "It's okay, just do what feels natural"

She removed her breast band and Fenris marveled at her. She was just so damn beautiful. He took her left breast in his hand squeezing lightly, which made Hawke's eyes close as she let out a small moan. He felt pure joy knowing he was the reason for that sound. He kissed her on the mouth again while massaging her breast. In return she grinded her crotch against him a little more making him go crazy. He leaned down and took a perked nipple into his mouth sucking softly. More noises escaped from her throat as he began to bit down softly.

"Fenris"

At the mention of his name he brought his face back up and looked at her from underneath his fringe. Her eyes full of want and pleasure. He never wanted that look to stop.

Right then they heard shuffles of feet coming up the stair case and Varric's voice talking to someone. He guessed that look was going to have to stop for now.

"Oh shit" Hawke breathed.

Fenris leaned back so Hawke could touch her feet to the floor again. She quickly threw on her shirt she was wearing earlier and shoved her breast band in her pocket. Fenris was still fidgeting with his gauntlets when Varric entered the room.

"Still here Broody, I thought you'd gone home by now?"

"He was just leaving actually," Hawke stuttered and looked at Fenris with a sly grin.

Varric stared at them for a moment taking in Hawke's messy hair and Fenris's flushed expression. He looked confused at first and seemed to shrug it off.

"Alright, I'm off to bed myself then." Varric went over to the bed Bethany was sleeping on and pulled out a cot from underneath it.

"Common" Hawke intertwined her fingers the best she could with his gauntlets and walked him all the way downstairs so Varric wouldn't hear them. She stood on top of two of the stairs in order to be the same height as him. She smiled drunkenly moving her face closer to his. She nuzzled her nose against his own.

"To be continued?" he said sheepishly. He couldn't conceal his grin, being in this moment with her was so blissful.

"Mhmmm" she managed to get out. By now the alcohol had really kicked in and her body didn't react like how it should. He took her face in his hands and gave her one last kiss as she told him good night. He watched her zigzag back and forth on the stairs until she made it into Varric's room again before he left.

**I've never written a kiss scene before...I hope I did alright! I should have some more free time this weekend to work on another chapter soon, I'll try to get it out as soon as I can. Thanks for reading, -C**


	6. Assuming the worst

Hawke felt something tickling her nose. She lifted her hand to swat it away while turning her head to the side to get comfortable again. The tickling persisted. Hawke opened a lazy eye to find Isabela's face only mere inches from her own. She threw her hands up, trying to fumble out of bed. "Bela!" she groaned, "You're going to give me a heart attack."

"Sorry kitten." Isabela smiled at her.

Hawke layed back down on the bed and groaned. She patted the bed for Bethany, but found no one. She jumped up from the bed, her heart dropping to her feet.

"Don't worry, she's fine." Isabela laughed as if she read Hawke's mind.

Hawke sighed in relief and began trying to pull the tangles out of her hair.

"She actually sent me to fetch you, something about..." Isabel trailed off placing a finger on her lip.

"What? Mother's gone ballistic with worry?" Hawke half laughed as she went over to a basin of water Varric must have left out and splashed some onto her face. The cool water felt refreshing, almost as if it were chLfing the hangover away.

"No.." Isabela trailed off, "Does training the guard mean anything to you?"

"Oh shit Aveline's gonna kill me!" Hawke threw a hair tie around her long locks and began to rushed out the door, only to smack into a hard armor-plated chest.

"Ow" was all she could manage as she grabbed her nose with both hands, tears coming to her eyes.

"Hawke, I-" she knew that voice. Fenris stopped talking as she frantically waved one hand in the air to quiet him. The memory came flooding back of them together last night in a tight lip lock and she could feel her face begin to burn hot. She really didn't have time sort out her emotions right now...just the memory of his lips on hers made her mind race.

"No time, meet me. Guard field. Half hour. Gotta. go." she took off running again stumbling over a few things on her way down throwing apologizes over her shoulder. Fenris stood there for a moment watching her leave, an amused look on his face. He was hoping to spend sometime with her this morning to...sort out last night, but it could wait for now. Just being near her was always enough for him.

* * *

Hawke stumbled into the training ground, half of her armor buckled and the other half dangling loose. Bethany and Caboose were already there training with the guards. Aveline noticed Hawke walk in and went over to her.

"I see sleeping beauty decided to grace us with her presence."

Hawke rolled her eyes while fidgeting with her armor. "Blame Beth, she left without waking me."

"I think we can blame it on the booze, Hawke." Aveline leaned up against a post smiling to her friend.

"That works" Hawke smiled buckling her last belt buckle into place. "Did I miss much?"

Aveline sighed heavily looking exhausted which Hawke had never seen on her before. Aveline shook her head, "Not much, everyone is pretty...bad."

Hawke put a hand on Aveline's shoulder. "Well now that you're guard captain that will all change, and I will help you."

Aveline nodded her head. "Well if you are saying that then it must be true."

She took her leave from the post gathering the guards up introduce them to Hawke. Hawke wanted them to continue their training with Caboose or Bethany so she was able to see if they were doing anything wrong. She corrected them several times by pointing out weak points in their stance or how swinging their sword a wrong way could mean a broken arm. Hawke was a natural at fighting, almost as if it were the back of her hand. Which she had her father to thank for that. Waiting for a templar attack was something they prepaired for, yet it never came.

Once the guards had had their share of fighting they were all huddled around one another laughing and talking with one another. Hawke and Aveline hatched a plan amongst themselves quietly.

"All right everyone" Aveline said standing in front of them with Hawke, "Now is for the real challenge. You're going to try and disarm Hawke."

The guards became silent as a grave yard.

"Any volunteers?" Hawke eyed the crowd.

Everyone was still quiet, eyes all on Hawke. So her reputation proceeds her...she began to give up hope when finally Donnic stepped forward. Hawke nodded towards him, impressed with his courage. She went a ways away from everyone and took one of her daggers out. "Ready when you are Donnic."Hawke took her stance waiting for him to charge her.

"You're not going to use both daggers then?" Donnic questioned.

"Trust me, you don't want her to use both" Aveline mused.

"Alight then." Donnic shrugged taking his sparring sword and charged Hawke. Donnic had held his right elbow out to far again, something she tried correcting in his previous training. Now she would show him the reason why she warned him about his arm in the first place. When he was almost smack in front of her she kneeled down, swiping at his leg with her dagger to distract him. In which he did focus on that one movement without fail. She threw her arm up and wrapped it around his own linking them together. She grabbed his forearm and flipped him onto his back with a thump. She held the blade to his throat, narrowing her eyes.

"I told you to keep that arm tucked Donnic." she smiled to him. He gave her an amused look and laughed out of embarrassment.

"I see your reputation doesn't fail you Messere Hawke."

Hawke sheathed her blade to help him up. She continued this with each guard this way. If they had listened to her advise they almost always left something else vulnerable for her to strike, and if they didn't she made sure to let them know what could happen. When Aveline felt like they had enough she gave them a brake.

By then Hawke had worked up quite a sweat herself, walking over to the post Bethany was sitting on with Anders who had shown up only moments ago. Bethany gave Hawke a leather pouch of water and she downed it, poring a bit over her head. "It's so hot" Hawke whined pushing the wet hair out of her face. Caboose when up to her and brushed up against her hand. She kneeled down scratching him behind the ears and laughed at his happy demeanor.

"You've been going at it for a good while now." Andre piped in.

"I thought they'd be more of a challenge for you, sorry for that Hawke. Obviously we have things to work on." Aveline shook her head.

"They're a lot better than you think, I didn't go easy on them. Even if I only had one dagger..."

"I thought they'd be more challenging to you" Aveline sighed.

"I can challenge you sister." Bethany jumped down off of the post she was sitting on and drew her staff.

Hawke put the pouch down on the post and gave an amused look. "Oh really?"

"Really. It's been ages since it's been just me and you going against one another."

"Well we have to get back on patrol." Aveline looked towards Hawke. "Till next time?"

Hawke nodded and then looked back at Bethany a mischievous smile on her face. "Let's go Beth."

"Maybe you should rest first?" Anders suggested. Hawke looked plain exhausted from last night.

Hawke gave him a smirk before she turned tail to run a few lengths away from them. He shook his head at her competitive nature, while it was all in good fun he felt like he was the only one who worried about her health.

"Don't hold back!" Bethany called to her. Hawke nodded her head in acknowledgement. She stood with her daggers out at arms length, her left leg was in front pushing a bit of grass down so she could get proper footing.

Bethany was the first to lob a block of ice at Hawke, she dodged it easily and took off sprinting towards her. Bethany responded by raining a few fiery drops down onto her, making Hawke do a variation of back flips to avoid the flames. She jumped high into the air, daggers pointed at her sister as she dropped down onto her. Bethany used the air and pushed herself away from where she was once standing, making the wood posts shake. Hawke landed hard on the ground barely missing Bethany. She recovered quickly, going after Bethany again. Her movements were light and graceful as she swiped her blades at her. Bethany moved her staff to block Hawke's blows one by one. Blades being met by staff as if they were mirroring one anothers movements. Hawke let down a hard blow which cut deep into Bethany's staff, causing Bethany to shoot shards of ice to cover her hands. Hawke pulled back, shaking her hands off from the cold.

"You've gotten better" Hawke smiled.

"Or you've gotten rusty" Bethany mused back, lodging more ice blasts her way.

Hawke knocked them away with her daggers and laughed, "Never in a million years"

* * *

Fenris had to ask directions to the guard post. He had only been in Kirkwall for a few months and was still having a difficult time knowing where everything was. He only had Hawke to blame for that...following her distracted him more than it should. It was mainly those swaying hips. He was beginning to get nervous about seeing her. His head was swimming on thoughts of what to say to her, or even what to do. He couldn't get his mind off of those soft lips...if she willed it he would have taken her they did share a kiss last night...but what did that mean for them? Maybe she...no, he didn't want to think on this subject any further.

He managed to find the tower finally, coming upon it he saw Hawke in her armor delicately balancing on her feet with her daggers drawn. There was a sheet of ice that morphed in front of her making her skid to a stop. She turned quickly as another ice block caught her ankle. Fenris crouched down and drew his sword immediately. He saw Bethany come closer towards Hawke saying something, as Hawke was desperately trying to free her leg. The ice began creeping up her boot slowly. It was like he had thought, no mage could ever be trusted. Fenris leapt up to strike Bethany down before she could hurt Hawke any further. He would keep her safe no matter what.

~Hawkes pov~

Hawke was trying to pull her leg free. No way was she going to lose to her little sister like this. She saw a flash a blue next to her and looked to see Fenris with his sword out running towards them. It was if time when in slow motion then. She cursed herself for not letting him know they would be training today, and this is the first time he had ever accompanied them to this place. He must have thought Bethany was trying to hurt her, by the look of things. Hawke gritted her teeth while calling his name, but his eyes were full of blood lust. Hawke pulled her leg from the ice block, forcibly twisting her ankle in the process but the adrenaline was pumping through her veins didn't even register that fact to her brain. She stumbled forward as Bethany finally noticed him and wouldn't have enough time to react. She may have gotten better at close range fighting but surprise attacks were another thing entirely. Fenris brought his sword up to strike her and Hawke hobbled between them desperately. She brought her arms up grasping her forearms together. The blow came down heavy and fast and she could feel the heat tear through her flesh as easily as tearing a piece of parchment. Hawke fell to her knee cringing at the pain. The blade was removed as suddenly. He must have not used his full force because her arms were still in tact, but she felt like she lost control of her right arm . She looked up toward Fenris to see his horror-stricken face. He had a bright red mark covering one side of his cheek as if he was punched. Her attention was caught by another glowing figure, and noticed it was Anders. The blue glowing light engulfing his entire body and eyes. "You shall not harm her elf." Justice's voice boomed as he took a fighting stance.

Bethany was kneeling next to Hawke, blood covering her robes and face. "Anders, Hawke needs you! There's no time for this" she yelled desperately as a wave of healing mage fell over Hawke's body. Bethany knew how to dull the pain as best, but she was no where near Anders level of healing. Justice stood there between Fenris and the two girls. He had full take over his body with nothing but the image of Fenris's head put on a pike, flashing in his mind. _Not now_, Anders pleaded desperately. _She needs me._

"ANDERS" Hawke yelled as her adrenaline began to relax, pain taking its place. The blood was pouring from Hawke's wounds covering anything it touched. In that moment Anders was able to chase Justice away long enough to take control of his body again. He ran over to Hawke. Her wounds were deep. Her right arm was the worst by far as the bone was almost cut completely through. Anders began to heal her closing up the wound throwing Fenris a hate filled look. Hawke had sweat pouring off of her, a pained and miserable look was on her face. Fenris couldn't bare anymore. It was one thing seeing her like this of her own accord, but knowing he had done this to her...he didn't deserve her affection in the slightest.

Hawke saw him give a hurt look and began to back away. "Fenris!" she yelled after him trying shrugging off Anders to go to him. She made an attempt to stand, but her leg gave way under the weight of her body and she fell back down. "Its not your fault!" she gritted her teeth. He stopped briefly at her words.

"What do you mean? This is his fault!" Anders said angrily. "He almost cut you in two, and for what?"

"You don't understand him" Hawke growled as Anders was trying to mend her bone back together. She looked back to Fenris was but was disappointed to see him gone.

"Bloody coward." Anders scoffed.

* * *

Hawke didn't see much of Fenris after that day. Leandra said he stopped by briefly as she was sleeping, but Anders had run him off. She tried stopping by his mansion a few times but was surprised to find the door locked. Anders had asked her to take it easy for a few weeks as he could mend the bone, but it would have to finish healing on it's own. Which caused her to have to wear a sling for a few weeks.

Anders kept a steady eye on her making sure infection didn't set in. Her and Anders got closer over those few weeks. Hawke had learned more about him than she would by just fighting at his side. He was witty and bright. She loved the way he smiled when she poked fun at him. It was half embarrassed and half something else she couldn't read. He would read her his manifesto at night, and she would makes corrections to better get his point across. He sounded to angsty and droning on a never ending rant, majority of the time. _I take droning to a new art form Hawke._ He would tell her, which made her smile. Hawke would watch him sleeping in the chair next to her bed when she woke up during the night a few times. She would wake up during the night thinking it was Fenris there again like the time before. Merrill came over to decorate her sling with small flowers, and also to help Hawke wash and braid her long hair. When she went to the hanged man for a night out Isabela and Varric poked fun at her about being a cripple now. Which made her roll her eyes.

Meanwhile her and Bethany had finally wracked up enough money for the deep roads expedition. It had to wait until she was fully healed of course. Which made Hawke get made at her body for not being able to heal itself faster.

"Batrand can wait. He doesn't have the money to continue without us, and no one have even come close to an offer like ours." Varric reassured her many times.

Hawke had gotten in more arguments with her mother over the past few weeks as well. Not over the usual things like picking up after herself or coming home late, but about whether or not she was bringing Bethany to the expedition with her. The expedition was right around the corner and she decided she was going to bring Bethany with her. There was no other person she would trust to watch her back, and the one person she had in mind besides Bela was Fenris...but seeing as she hadn't heard or seen him in a month that possibility was out of the question. Ultimately, she didn't want Bethany to go, she wanted her to keep Mother safe while she was gone. Yet circumstances made that impossible.

She sighed heavily as the door wrenched open and her mother stepped through with a determined look on her face. She didn't really feel like getting into a fight. She put her head down on the table praying to the Maker.

"Elsa, someone is here to talk some sense into you." Leandra scoffed.

Hawke picked her head up lazily and opened her eyes. Fenris was there. Hawke stood up from the table and stared at him in awe. Fenris had an awkward look on his face as her looked back at her.

"I'll leave you to it then." Leandra slammed the door to her room shut, leaving the two alone in the silence.

Hawke looked at him innocently, going to the other side of the table and crossing her arms.

"So...I go to talk to you and you refuse to open the door...but she goes and you come running over?" she rolled her eyes. "If I knew it was that easy I would have argued with her sooner."

Fenris was looking down studying her exposed arms. The cuts from his sword were still there. Two large pink slits. Hawke threw her arms down angrily and came closer to him. He didn't move, but stood there looking past her. "She said you needed me, so here I am."

"Need you for what?" there was only a small space between them now.

"Your expedition...I'd like to accompany you, so your sister can stay."

"You ignore me for almost a month and now you want to help me? You really are infuriating you know!"

"Hawke" he tried to interrupt her but she kept talking, "And another thing how can you just drop off the face of the earth after what I thought-"

"I couldn't bare the thought of you being hurt because of me." Fenris interrupted her, his voice shaky. "I acted without thinking. I thought I was protecting you. I was...a fool." His marking glowed a faint blue, as he continued to not look at her.

Her face fell at his words. "Fenris, I understand" Hawke smiled up to him lifting his chin up so he would look at her. "It was a mistake, and I know you would never purposely hurt me."

Fenris peered at her through his fringe. She got lost in his eyes, smiling stupidly at him. Hawke was just happy he was even there talking with her now. She snaked her hand into his and held it firmly tracing the lines of lyrium on the back of his hand. This small contact was making her blush, but this is what she wanted so terribly. She had pinned over him, thinking of him and little else. Maybe he hadn't felt the same over the past few month? She leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. He was hesitant at first and tried to pull away, but she kept kissing him. He finally responded by pulling her into his chest deepening the kiss. There was the answer she was looking for.


End file.
